Reimagining the Holidays: Making Memories During a Pandemic
Yes, the holidays will look a little (or a lot!) different this year, but you don’t have to lose the magic! As a parent or caregiver, there are many creative ways to still make the holidays a joyful time of year.
Dr. Robyn Fivush, the author of Family Narratives and the Development of an Autobiographical Self, joined Dr. Zelechoski and Dr. Malloy in our latest webinar to reimagine what holiday celebrations look like, consider creating new traditions, and discuss what’s really important to children when it comes to creating holiday memories.
Table of Contents
Key Moments
(1:30) Why did we want to have this conversation?
(3:20) Introduction to our panelist: Dr. Robyn Fivush
(6:00) Brief overview of the development of memory in children. When do children start forming long-lasting, long-term memories?
(9:20) What did Dr. Robyn Fivush mean when she said, “Ourselves are at least partly defined by our memories?”
(11:15) How do parents shape their children’s memories?
(17:00) Why is this particularly important during adolescence?
(18:50) What is actually important for kids to form positive long-lasting memories over the holidays? What are the key factors that lead to memory formation?
(21:10) Why is family story-telling so important during the holidays this year?
(25:18) Why the telling of the story is sometimes even more important than the story’s content.
(27:00) What can we do to keep our traditions alive during the pandemic? Or should we find new ways to do our traditions?
(30:30) What is a family story circle and how do we do them?
(37:05) How do parents and grandparents benefit from family storytelling?
(38:40) How can we make our holiday memories really authentic without social media getting in the way?
(44:30) How do we incorporate family from a distance that is more than just Zoom?
(46:55) How do we balance the pressures and traditions from grandparents with wanting to simplify?
(49:46) What can I say to people who challenge what I feel is safe for my family?
(52:30) How can divorced parents overcome the challenges of the holidays?
(54:18) How can parents take some of the pressure off of themselves to make the holidays perfect for kids?
(57:15) What is one piece of advice that you would give to someone when it comes to re-imagining the holidays this year?
Reflection Questions
Webinars and resources are all well and good, but having a ton of information is only as helpful as you can do something with it. Take a few moments with yourself, your partner, or others in your circle of support to reflect on the following questions and process the insights and tips that stood out most to you.
Have you made a decision about how your family will spend the holidays? Why or why not? How will you share your decision with your child(ren)?
What are your fears/worries about the holiday season? What are you most looking forward to?
What role have family stories played in your life, especially how you experience the holidays?
What prompt would you most like to try out at a family/friend story circle this holiday season?
What stories would you like to leave with your child(ren) as your “family legacy”?
Additional Related Resources
From Our Panelist:
Robyn’s blog on Psychology Today - The Stories of Our Lives
Robyn’s book - Family Narratives and the Development of an Autobiographical Self
Learn how to run a family story circle online.
Holiday Decision-making During COVID-19
CDC Guidelines on decision making about each holiday (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)
Our prescription for the winter of coronavirus by Dr. Sarah Bosslet and Dr. Gabriel Bosslet, an article by married two doctors on their holiday decisions (The Journal Gazette)
Is there a safe way to be home for the holidays? by Joe Pinsker (The Atlantic)
Grief and the Holidays
10 Phrases to help kids cope with holiday disappointment this year by Stacie Pozdol (Motherly)
Reclaiming your holidays after trauma, grief, or change by Lisa Marie Basile (Luna Luna Magazine)
64 tips for coping with grief at the holidays by Litsa Williams (What’s Your Grief?)
Coping with the Holidays in the Year of Tragedy and Change: How Tragic Events Impact the Holiday Season by Kirsti A. Dyer (written in the context of 9/11)
Other Resources We’ve Found Helpful
How to Help Kids handle holiday disappointment during COVID-19 by Amy Adolfo Signore and Emily Wakefield (Connecticut Children’s)
Holidays During the Pandemic by Caroline Miller (Child Mind Institute)
How to Cope With Holiday Family Gatherings and the Coronavirus Pandemic (Cleveland Clinic)
Thanksgiving goes virtual: How to carve out new traditions amid the ongoing pandemic by Jura Koncius (The Washington Post)
Navigating the Emotional Turf of Fall Family Gatherings by Julie Halpert (The New York Times)
Key Moments From This Webinar
Why is family storytelling so important during the holidays this year?
How do parents and grandparents benefit from family storytelling?
How do I manage our sadness and grief that the holidays will be so different this year?
How do I take pressure off myself to make the holidays perfect?
What’s the most important thing for me to remember this holiday season?
Meet Our Guest & Moderator
Robyn Fivush, Ph.D.
Robyn Fivush, Ph.D., is the Samuel Candler Dobbs Professor of Psychology and Director of the Institute for the Liberal Arts at Emory University, where she has been on the faculty since 1984. She received her PhD from the Graduate Center of The City University of New York in 1983 and was a Postdoctoral Fellow at the University of California at San Diego from 1983 to 1984. She is a Fellow of both APA and APS. Her research focuses on the social construction of autobiographical memory and the relations among memory, narrative, identity, trauma, and coping. She has published over 150 books, book chapters, and articles, including her most recent book, Family Narratives and the Development of an Autobiographical Self.
Cortney Simmons, Ph.D.
Our moderator, Dr. Cortney Simmons, is a postdoctoral researcher in the Psychology department at Yale University. She received her doctorate from the University of California, Irvine, where she specialized in developmental psychology and psychology and the law. Her research integrates psychology, criminology, psychobiology, and quantitative modeling to examine how individual and contextual factors contribute to risky behavior during adolescence. She also examines the juvenile justice system as a developmental context that affects adolescent’s educational achievement, wellbeing, and behavior.
Pandemic Parenting is a collaboration between two psychologists, scholars, and moms committed to sharing their expertise and research in ways that are immediately accessible and useful to families. Learn more about Dr. Amanda Zelechoski and Dr. Lindsay Malloy.